Thoughts to Ponder
Concerning Life and Divorce
Following in italics are some comments for you to think about.
No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one
who is won't make you cry.
The worse way to miss someone is to be sitting
right beside them knowing you can't have them.
This is what you want for your life. You want to mean the world
to your husband or wife. If you don't feel that you do, then your
marriage is lacking something. You deserve to be loved unconditionally
by someone, and if you aren't, you can't be fulfilled. If someone
doesn't love you that much, and they leave you, you will grieve, but
hold on to the knowledge that you deserve better.
"Nuf said". Three or four years after my divorce
I went with a man who would pull me close, then push me away. Trying
to please him, I kept trying to make the relationship work because
my marriage hadn't, and I kept thinking that I could fix whatever
I did wrong in my marriage in this relationship. Also, my former husband
had told me that I wasn't giving enough, that nobody would ever love
me again. I wanted to prove him wrong. I devoted too much time to
trying to make this relationship work. Finally I saw the light, but
we broke up. He did the breaking up. He couldn't commit and sensed
that I wanted more than he could give. It hurt, but I saw that HE
was the one with the problems, and that this wasn't right for me.
Which leads to this next bit of wisdom:
Don't try so hard; the best things come when you least expect them to.
Shortly after that, a man came into my life who liked me for
who I was, and who wanted me, and treats me like I should be treated.
I don't have to shoulder the burden; it's an equal partnership.
Even when a marriage fails, I firmly believe that it happened
for a reason. There was a reason I married my first husband. It was
a necessary journey for me to get to where I am now. It gave me my
children, years of happiness and dreams, directions I wouldn't have
had if I hadn't married this person. We didn't stay together forever,
but it wasn't meant to last. I can't get into all of the reasons,
but I'll bet if you look at your life, you will see why you have been
where you have been. Trust the process of life and growth.
Know someone very carefully before you commit. People put on
their best face while courting, then often change after marriage.
It's just natural to do so. Look at their families, their friends,
their lifestyle, and get to know them in all circumstances. After
a divorce, it's important to be very careful before getting back in
Don't jump into a new relationship too soon.
It's very normal to be hurting and want to find
someone to take the hurt away.
Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
I could say lots about this one. After a person goes through
But you are the one who is left hurting.
I thought my first husband was the right one. You probably
did, also. We certainly loved each other. We went together for three
years before getting married, and stayed married for 28 1/2 years.
It got pretty dismal towards the end. I tried to hold on because I
didn't want to lose him. His leaving nearly killed me. I should have
let go much sooner rather than dragging it out. It was over and couldn't
have been fixed. There were too many unhealthy patterns that had been
established and too much water under the bridge.
Next came that short relationship that I again tried to make work, but that was entirely wrong for me. I tried hard on that one because I was trying to make the next relationship work like I couldn't make the first one work. Eventually I realized that he was far from the right one.
You have to meet a few wrong people before the right one comes
along forever. Don't settle for the first person to come along. You
have to learn what is right for you and what is not; what you want
in a partner and what you don't want. Now that I have met my true,
mature love and am extremely happy, we both feel grateful that we
came together. The bad times make the good ones seem even more glorious.
Not a day goes by that we aren't thankful for each other, and that
is one of the things that makes a good marriage.
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This article is meant to be helpful, but should
not be considered to be advice from a professional.
Updated August 9, 2006.